My heart was broken, in the most hurtful of ways, not so long ago. Its taken me much time to reconcile the way it was handled and to believe that good that will come from it, somehow.
I got a call today. One that was strange indeed. The Heart Breaker is now struggling with a work situation that in the end may cause him by choice to work with not-so-ethical people. He asked, "was he really put on this earth to do do his job and then let god sort it out in the end?" That he was not the one who could pass judgement on them in the end; that god was the one who would. Good Catholic boy...
Strange indeed as all the conversations we have had in the past surrounded him purporting to: treat others fairly, help those who need helping, choosing to do the right thing, make the hard decisions, take the road less traveled, helping no matter the cost. I honestly believed that he lived his life this way. I had seem him do this very thing over and over with Family, Friends and total strangers. I thought it so true, everyone around him does, my own mother. Taken by his charm and caring manner. But, sadly I have come to understand that it is not so. Just a self serving facade carefully built over the years. to help in the most visible, self serving ways. A facade that is very believable to the average joe (or jane) and even the not so average. I took the bait; hook line and sinker. And as I sat on the phone and listened to his words I realized once again the hook was dangling, for reasons I don't understand. This time I knew better then to bite. Clearly he does not even see, understand or care about the pain or the confusion he caused. Am I the only one who can see this? It just can't be.
My counsel: Is it his duty to himself and to god to do the right thing. That yes, in the end god would handle these people in the manner in which was appropriate. But that he had a moral obligation to do the right thing and protect the innocent or the wronged. That his standing by would be doing exactly what god would not want him to do. To allow the innocent to be harmed or to be a part of it no matter how small.
Was that not obvious? Mr. Morality wanting to walk away from helping others or at the worst allowing them to be hurt, doing nothing, turning a blind eye, joining in?
It hurt so much to have that silly 5 minute conversation. He; so moral, able/ willing to hurt and betray the one he held so close, so easily? Yet feel it ok to seek guidance on morality from the one he wronged? He's now off to seek further internal guidance from god, me left with the whole fucking nightmare to live over once again. Funny and sad at that same time. He often said he had great intuition, could read others, knew what they were thinking... Though he never could read me or know what I was thinking and it perplexed him. That's not intuition, that's just being a good "player". I have met many a great "Player" over the years, I now think I have met one of the best.
I hope he finds the answers he is looking for...
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