what I am so afraid of, what is so fearful for me. I don't know how to explain it or really what it is, but it's there. A fear that is so real and so painful yet pushed so deep down to a place that I hardly recognize it when I arrive. I often wonder do other people have a place like this? Is it like my place?
I arrived there today, out of the blue. I didn't expect to be there yet there I was. It's almost like a fear of life; living life, sharing life. I watch life go on around me. Most of the time I participate in it and enjoy it and I do like it. Then there are the other times it scares me to the very core. Like it has today. I think that I have the skills to cope with it but then I find myself in it, living it and I have no idea where to go next, what to do next. So I let it be. I let it over take me, fill me and wait for it to fade away back to where it came from. It always does. So today I wait. I wait for it to fade away
Not to diminish your deep-seated and very real fear, I have to say that I believe most of us suffer this kind of fear at unexpected times in our lives. I think it is related to the loneliness of our existence. I believe it comes from being human, knowing one day we will die, and whether we are married, engaged, or physically clinging to another, we are completely alone on this journey and on this planet.
This fear that can make your heart race, your lungs hyperventilate, your skin sweat, and your eyes weep is what fuels mankind's need to believe in a Father, a God, multiple gods; any construct to ease the terror of being here alone.
Posted by: Cheryllynne Cartwright | December 25, 2011 at 10:18 PM