what I am so afraid of, what is so fearful for me. I don't know how to explain it or really what it is, but it's there. A fear that is so real and so painful yet pushed so deep down to a place that I hardly recognize it when I arrive. I often wonder do other people have a place like this? Is it like my place?
I arrived there today, out of the blue. I didn't expect to be there yet there I was. It's almost like a fear of life; living life, sharing life. I watch life go on around me. Most of the time I participate in it and enjoy it and I do like it. Then there are the other times it scares me to the very core. Like it has today. I think that I have the skills to cope with it but then I find myself in it, living it and I have no idea where to go next, what to do next. So I let it be. I let it over take me, fill me and wait for it to fade away back to where it came from. It always does. So today I wait. I wait for it to fade away
